Cris Carter blue moon has Silver and Black lining

First off, how about that Superbowl halftime show, folks? My goodness, was that something. Madonna’s “dancing” was almost as striking as Steven Tyler shrieking the national anthem. Anyway, let’s get cooking on the topic at hand…

Remember back when Darrius Heyward-Bey was drafted seventh overall in the 2009 NFL Draft? Remember how skeptical a lot of people were? Sure you do.

And no one was more forthcoming with their comments than the never-so-lovable, cloudy-with-a-chance-of-jackass, Mr. Cris Carter, who was adamant about DHB’s having little chance of success. He continued to joke about it before, during, and after DHB’s LIVE interview with ESPN.

Obviously, DHB has started to pan out. Obscurely, Cris Carter has started to dry out. Meaning: more people would probably rather watch a ‘joke’ of a receiver prove his doubters wrong than watch a ‘joke’ of an analyst prune his ego-driven tree of logic.

I’d rather watch “Lady in the Water” on a loop than watch Carter blather on about how Calvin Johnson isn’t a top five receiver in the league. At least M Night Shyamalan movies have a twist at the end. Carter was the only person in America who didn’t realize “Megatron” was a top five receiver.

It’s kind of too bad that Cris Carter shares nearly the same name with the genius who created “The X Files”… because that guy really is a legend. Is the former Vikings receiver? Well, the truth is out there. I’m guessing it lies somewhere behind five years of being passed over for the Hall of Fame.

Anyways, let’s get to the facts:

Cris Carter – eligible for the Hall of Fame since 2007.

Tim Brown – eligible since 2010.

Cliff Branch – eligible since… well, let’s just say it’s been many moons.

Of those three guys, who should get in? Branch should for sure. The other two are questionable.

Although, unlike Carter, Tim Brown did play in a Super Bowl. And he probably would have won it too had his former coach not stolen the keys to their playbook and run over him and his teammates with an inherited truckload of Tony Dungy’s produce. But that’s neither here nor there…

Tim Brown was a good teammate, was very consistent, and was a mentor/leader for the young men around him. Can the same be said for Carter?

His former teammate and former Raider, Randy Moss, doesn’t think so. After hearing about Carter’s comments on ESPN radio on Moss being a ‘quitter’ when times get tough, Moss ‘blue mooned’ his former teammate via twitter:

“its sad how u stroked ur own ego when u were suppose to b my mentor!” and then added, “then u wonder why karma bites u in the ass!#goodlukwithhof”

May as well have just said, “Ha, ha, you’re a little bitch, I’m getting in first ballot.”

In fairness to Carter, he wasn’t known for being a quitter, nor for dropping the ball when he thought heat was coming. For the last few years of his career, he was known as the old receiver next to Moss, trying not to look like he was one lost step from needing a walker.

It appears Carter may need some sort of ‘assistance’ to help him into the Hall of Fame, mainly because voters don’t just vote based on talent and what’s done on the field, but what’s done off the field. Which probably isn’t fair. Like the amount of fat in a peanut butter & jelly sandwich.

The moral of this story is Cris Carter is getting blue mooned all around by current and former Raider receivers.

Darrius Heyward-Bey hasn’t become all he can be yet and has room to improve, so that’s pretty chill, Mr Carter. In a way, DHB’s play on the field has blue mooned Carter — making him look like even more of an ass than he already is. Carter made it sound like DHB would be out of the league within a few years, like Jamarcus Russell. But DHB isn’t addicted to tipsy candy, doesn’t wear huge gawdy jewelry, or fun dip his way into cute furry hats with balls for decoration. 

As far as Carter’s HOF chances, Cliff Branch, Andre Reed, and Tim Brown are much more deserving to get in before Carter. Not because they’re better players, but because they don’t wear an ass for a face.

You’re getting blue mooned here Cris Carter, and not in a good way.

–This aricle comes from the twisted mind of AJ Demello and is for entertainment and comedy purposes only.

About Levi Damien, Senior Writer

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