The Not Necessarily Incorrect Sports News Vol. 8

- The stadium where the Oakland A’s and the Oakland Raiders play is now back to its original name: the Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum. That’s because McAfee Inc.’s 10-year contract with the stadium expired and the company chose not to renew it. McAfee will now become the sponsor for the Chargers’ new stadium in Los Angeles and have a lifelong vendetta against Al Davis.

- During the press conference that followed the Patriots beat down at the hands of the Miami Dolphins on Sunday, it was noted that Patriots coach Bill Belichick was without his usual vibrant and sparkling personality.

- Patriots CB Ellis Hobbs, in an interview after Sunday’s game against the Dolphins, said in regards to the Pats fans booing the team, “It amazes me…You would think we hadn’t won and been as successful as we have”. He also went on to call the Pats fans “spoiled”. Welcome to New England Ellis Hobbs. The home of the poor sports. Where the little league baseball motto is “Win or Lose, we will always be classless.”

- During ESPN’s “The Blitz” Sunday night, Tom Jackson said that “Tom Brady covered up a lot on the Patriots team”. Yes, he did. And Eric Mangini UNcovered it.

- In the Eagles/ Steelers game on Sunday, Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger was sacked 9 times by the Eagles defense. He was hit so many times he forgot how to spell his own last name. To which Vince Young said “Don’t feel bad, I can’t spell my last name either”.

- Many were outraged when the the Yankees played their tribute video for the final game in old Yankee Stadium and there were no images of former skipper Joe Torre. The Yankees tried to get Joe Torre in the video but since moving to LA, Torre has joined SAG and his manager was asking for a 2 million base with residuals and a 3 picture deal. They likewise could not get him for the ceremony to join the other Yankee greats. Torre’s manager was asking for a 1 mil public appearance fee with his own trailer, a makeup and hair trailer, a trailer for his assistant, catering services and an on site workout facility. The Yankees can’t afford such demands.

- The Yankees are now officially homeless. So expect to see them on the streets of New York in the coming months. The outfielders will form steel drum bands throughout Manhattan, the infielders will be break dancing on large pieces of cardboard, the bullpen will all paint themselves metallic colors and position themselves in various locations as “moving statues”, while Joe Girardi will be stationed at a freeway exit with a sign that reads “why lie? I need a beer”.

- Raiders cornerback DeAngelo Hall is now the most targeted person in Virginia Tech history.

- Throughout Sunday’s Raiders/ Bills game, Punter Shane Lechler put the Bills “deep in their own end”. This made quite an impression on Rob Ryan who had his head firmly implanted there throughout the fourth quarter.

- In just over a week, Brett Favre lost two straight games, the Patriots were blown out by the lowly Dolphins, and the Yankees played their last game at old Yankee Stadium. Due to these recent events, there will be a suicide watch in effect at ESPN headquarters and a hotline number has been set up for this difficult time. Just call 1-800-BANDWAGON. Remember, you’re not alone. Help is just a phone call away.

- Brett Favre has lost two games in a row? Surely you J-E-S-T, Jest, Jest, Jest?

- This is the 2nd consecutive week that an unknown source has leaked news that “Al Davis would be firing Head Coach Lane Kiffin as early as Monday”. The source sends his or her information via email and is unknown as of yet. The emails are simply signed with the pseudonym “Schmob Schmyan”.

- A Lifetime original movie is currently in the works which chronicles Raider PR Executive John Herrera who fights against the opression of the evil San Jose Mercury News Columnist Tim Kawakami. Warning: this presentation has strong language and sexual situations. Parental Discretion is advised.

- The Baseball regular season will officially be over as of this Sunday. And for those of you who are wondering what this “Baseball” is that I speak of; it is the reason for those ugly dirt patches on the Raiders playing field.

- Raiders Defensive Coordinator Rob Ryan has had a tough week. First, his scheme gives up 17 points in the fourth quarter to the Bills to blow the Raiders game, and then he loses his suit against Geico for “stealing his image”. The guy just can’t catch a break.

- Meanwhile Lane Kiffin has signed on to do print ads for Southwest Airlines. The ads will show him at a Monday afternoon press conference with the slogan, “Wanna get away?”

- Finally, after 8 years as the Detroit Lions GM, Matt Millen has been fired. Al Davis has been holding out all these years for Millen to be free of his ties to the Lions. Now Millen can take his rightful place as the Raiders GM. Al Davis was not sure he would live long enough to see Millen be released but the day has finally come. Al can now step aside and enjoy watching Millen rebuild the Raiders into a proud franchise once again…Just like he did for the Lions.

– Disassociated Press

About Levi Damien, Senior Writer

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