The Not Necessarily Incorrect Sports News Vol 6

- Despite the incident in which Carolina Panthers WR Steve Smith punched fellow teammate Ken Lucas in the face, Lucas was quoted as saying he wants Steve to play. Lucas went on to say that Smith is “the best player on our team.” In response Dr Phil said, “You can’t invite this kind of abuse into your relationships, Ken. And those who let themselves be abused don’t love themselves enough to say ‘Stop!’ If you ask him to come back, you are being an enabler. I would like you two to come on the show so we can work this out together.” An air date has not been set but as I hear it Steve is giving Ken his space.

- New York Giants Defensive End Justin Tuck said he “wants to end the season in Tampa”. While DE Osi Umenyora ended his season in training camp.

- Former NFL head coach Dennis Green is making some extra money these days selling the rights to his now famous “They are who we thought they were” speech while he was the coach of the Arizona Cardinals. Being a sell-out is no real surprise to those who know Green. He is who we thought he was.

- Patriots QB Tom Brady is out for the season (sorry if this is the first you are hearing about it) after tearing both the Medial Karmalateral and Anterior Hypocritiate ligaments in his knee. This has been lingering and he has suffered from it for quite a while. He first injured it way back in 2001 on a sack and forced fumble by Charles Woodson in the AFC playoffs that year. This injury has made head coach Bill Bellichick nervous and has caused him to make a doctor visit himself to check for Karmavascular disease. The results have not come back yet.

- Lakers star Kobe Bryant has elected not to have surgery on his injured pinky which he hyper-extended while having his afternoon tea.

- The Carolina Panthers defeated the San Diego Chargers in their week 1 game on a last second TD pass from Jake Delhomme to Rookie TE Dante Rosario. The catch looked to defy gravity but after further study it was found to have the opposite effect in that the catch actually activated gravity and brought the Chargers crashing back to earth.

- Shannon Sharpe was said to be “chomping at the bit” to see who won the contest Monday. It came down to Sharpe, Tom Jackson and John Elway as to which Bronco looked most like a horse. It was “a close race” but Shannon “rode away” with the prize.

- The weather in New England this week will call for a stiff breeze to blow in and freeze their playoff hopes. There is a large cloud of “No-fair-that’s-dirty-cheating” forming that could envelop the entire area in a fog which should result in a downpour of irony which is likely to continue throughout the season.

- Many fans that tuned in to watch the Monday Night Football game between the Packers and the Vikings were caught completely off-guard when they saw that Brett Favre was not behind center for the Packers. Why wasn’t ESPN covering this?

- Seven time Tour De France winner Lance Armstrong will be coming out of retirement to race in the 2009 Tour De France. However, he was unable to secure his previous sponsor, the US Postal Service. So he is taking proposals from other sponsors. The largest bid so far has come from the company Uniball.

- During the Monday Night Football game between the Packers and Vikings, the booth announcers continuously compared QB Aaron Rodgers’ play to that of departed QB Brett Favre. To which fellow analysts Mike Tiriko said “Let’s not do this week after week.” which was followed by a confused, awkward silence. In related news, ESPN is currently in the market for a token minority MNF announcer.

- After the Vikings loss to the Packers on Monday night, head coach Brad Childress was asked what he was going to work on in regards to Tarvaris Jackson to which he said, “Well, I don’t want to go into specifics – suffice it to say it will involve his passing and a paper bag.”

- It is reported that Raiders Defensive Coordinator Rob Ryan has preemptively sought out other employment. Very few specifics are known as to whom his prospective employers are. The only thing we have thus far is the name “Tom W’s B&B”. We are not sure what that means but we will get back to you with more specifics when they become available.

– Disassociated Press

About Levi Damien, Senior Writer

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