The Not Necessarily Incorrect Sports News Vol. 5

- Tampa Bay Bucs receiver Joey Galloway has been out the entire preseason with an injury but hopes to play in the Bucs season opener. When asked about his odds of playing he had this to say: “When you go and see the white tiger, there’s always posted times when he gets to eat,” Galloway said, “It’s his decision on when I get to eat. I hope I get to eat on Sunday, but we will wait and see.” No word yet on whether, in this analogy, John Gruden is Siegfried or Roy.

- Denver Broncos flamboyant receiver Brandon Marshall recently predicted he would have 140 catches this season. The obvious response was “Even while missing game one?” To which he said “Well I came up with that number before I was suspended for the Raider game and the number wouldn’t change even if I were playing anyway so why change the prediction?”

- South Carolina coach Steve Spurrier has named QB Chris Smelley as his starter for the Gamecocks game this week against Vanderbilt. He also named Smelley as one of the team captains. Team officials have changed the name tag on his locker to: “Captain Smelley Cock”.

- Tony Stewart is being replaced in the #20 Home Depot car for Joe Gibbs racing. He apparently won’t fit in the car anymore. He said he plans to stay in racing but moving over to his 2nd career: Jockey.

- The player formerly known as Chad Johnson is now said to have legally changed his name to “Chad Javon Ocho Cinco” so that the back of his jersey will read “Ocho Cinco”. Even his attention deprived agent Drew Rosenhaus is making a public plea to refer to Chad by his new name saying that he could easily change it back in future if he chooses to do so. Future names could include: “Nacho Libre”, “HOF 20??” , “He Hate Me”, “Owens”or “Ocho Seis”

- Shawne Merriman will be joining the FSN NFL Matchup crew this season. Adding to the list of former players they have on staff.

- The Houston Texans recently had new locks installed on all of the players lockers at the practice facility as well as at the stadium. In related news: Former Lions and Broncos RB Tatum Bell is visiting with the Texans this week. It is thought the he could supplant Ahman Green on the Texans. Hopefully Ahman doesn’t get mad about his release and get a case of sticky fingers.

- The Denver Broncos have released DT Alvin McKinley to make room for recently signed former Raiders DT Josh Shaw. The Raiders then immediately brought in� McKinley and agreed to terms.

- In “Who didn’t see this coming?” News: Two members of the Jamaican Olympic track team have been linked to steroids.

- In a recent radio interview, Patriots QB Tom Brady was asked whether he knew he was going to play in week one and was just not telling us. Brady’s response was that of a huge pause. Which has led many to read that his silence was most telling of all. Nothing is for certain though. This was, afterall, on the radio so it is not like there was someone videotaping him to see any signals that could tell you for sure what he was going to do. We aren’t mind readers you know.

- Cowboys RB Marion Barber is set to be featured on the hit show “Hard Knocks” this week. The storyline is supposedly that his girlfriend was kidnapped and held hostage by Jerry Jones in a jealous rage. In time she learns to love him as her captor. Then while Barber is threatened by newcomer Felix Jones, the ghost of Emmit Smith comes back to haunt him and Jason Witten is having his illegitimate child. Oh…sorry…Spoiler alert!

- Steve Corkran of the Contra Costa Times reports the Al Davis “Want’s to win now”. Although that is not entirely accurate. It should be “Al Davis wants to win yesterday”

- Despite hurricane Gustav which struck New Orleans this week, The Superdome is said to be ready to open it’s doors…for a swim meet.

- DT Colin Cole of the Green Bay Packers was pulled over last weekend for driving 88 in a 65. He said to the police officer that he thought he had “immunity” because he plays for the Packers and it had gotten he and other players out of tickets in the past. When people of the community were asked about this, the kids said “Why do you think we give them our bikes to ride to the stadium? We are doing our part to save lives”

- University of Oregon tackle Fenuki Topou reported inappropriate dealings with an agent that had taken him out for a $10 dinner and afterwards gave him $100 in a handshake. He may be a cheap date but at $100 bucks for a handshake, the happy ending must have been outrageous.

– Disassociated Press

About Levi Damien, Senior Writer

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