The Not Necessarily Incorrect Sports News Vol 18

Good day sports fans! LDizzle here and full of holiday spirit. No specific holiday, just the generic spirit that any old holiday would bring. Not to say that a holiday has to be accompanied by spirit. It might not even be spirit. But whatever it is, I’m full of it. Let’s move on.

Tonight! Tom Cable is “pissed” that James Cregg left the team early. Don’t worry Tom, your time will come soon enough. Nnamdi Asomugha finally made the Pro Bowl. Now he can start thinking about how to get out of going. I hope all you want for Christmas is huge balls because that’s all Saint Dizzlas has in his sack this year. THIS is The Not Necessarily Incorrect Sports News!

- Last week, following the Raiders loss to the Chargers, Al Davis tripped and twisted his knee at which point, he urgently made use of his life alert shouting, “Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up”. To which the life alert operator responded, “I know, I watched the game”.

- The Yankees are set to have the best rotation in baseball this coming season. That is: the best rotation of money from the pockets of taxpayers to the pockets of spoiled millionaires.

- Rex Ryan and the Ravens defense blew a late lead last weekend against the Steelers. Proving once and for all that twin brothers do have a telepathic connection.

- Michael Vick was informed this week that he will be moving to a halfway house to complete the remainder of his prison sentence. Vick later learned that that was just his cell mate’s way of saying that this time he won’t go balls deep.

- Former Dallas Stars player Sean Avery will not be asked back to the team in the wake of his “sloppy seconds” comments during a pregame interview two weeks ago. To which the fanbase is outraged to see the NHL displaying such high moral standards. This threatens to build a moral fabric that threatens the very lack of moral fabric that the game is built upon.   

- Reports are coming out of Philadelphia that the Eagles are working on a deal to trade QB Donovan McNabb to the Dolphins for RB Ricky Williams. This should finally satisfy fans who were disappointed that the Eagles drafted McNabb over Williams in the first place. Unfortunately, after being stuck with McNabb and Brian Westbrook for all of these years, It’s too late for the Eagles to make ammends to it’s fans. The damage has already been done.

- Last week, after the Giants loss to the Eagles, Terrell Owens reportedly was enraged by his jealousy of what he thought to be favoritism shown to tight end Jason Witten by Tony Romo. When asked about it he tearfully said “That’s my teammate”, bottom lip quivering, “That’s my quarterback man. MY quarterback, not yours. Jason wants to steal him from me but he can’t have him!”

- T.O. later said that he is being victimized because “People won’t let go of the past.” Well, he is right. TO being a team cancer is SO last week. No really, literally it was just last week.

- Terrell Owens’ love/hate relationship with the media has gotten so bad that he has now started dating a member of the popparazi, gone gay and last week flashed his junk while getting out a limo.

- The Lakers, after failing to reach a hundred points against the T-wolves last week and barely slipping by the Knicks by just two points, have fired coach Phil Jackson and promoted an assistant as interim coach for the remainder of the season. Afterall, interim coaches are all the rage in the NBA this season and in L.A. it is important to remain fashionable.

- The Sacramento Kings have reached an all-time low in attendance so far this season. Kings fans have even stopped ringing their signature cowbells during games. The thought is that the fans are sick of losing. A sickness, or “fever”, for which the only prescription?…is more cowbell.

- The Oklahoma City Thunder are the worst team in the NBA with only two wins on the season. But if your logo looked like those cheesy candy letters on a child’s birthday cake, you might also find It difficult to strike fear into opponents.

- Buccaneers defensive end Greg White has officially changed his name to “Stylez G” White, after a character in the 80’s film, “Teen Wolf”. To which is friends responded “Can we still just call you ‘nut job’?”

- In last Sunday’s game between the Raiders and the Patriots, there was what appeared to be a blocked extra point try by the Raiders that Janikowski caught out of the air. But in reality it was yet another wrinkle on the vaunted “Wild Bass” formation in which Cable was attempting yet again to show the fans the kind of speed and versatility of he that goes by the name of “Seabass”.

– Disassociated Press

About Levi Damien, Senior Writer

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