The Not Necessarily Incorrect Sports News Vol 12

- The fifth game of the World Series between the Phillies and the Rays was rained out in the middle of the 6th inning on Monday. After the game was called, Bud Selig had the rule book in hand to explain his decision. A World Series game has never been rained out before which is a good thing because the previous rule stated that each team would have to strip down and mud wrestle on the base paths to decide the winner. Elton John wrote a song about it. The lyrics said “Philadelphia freedom took me knee high to a man.” That is the kind of brotherly love we don’t need to see.

- The Rams sent a tape to the commissioner’s office which showed several instances in which the Patriots committed penalties that were not called by the officials. In fact the Patriots did not have a single penalty in the game which is what raised suspicion. What?! The Patriots benefited from an official’s call or non call? What?! Do the Rams really expect us to believe that the Patriots cheated?! Well I NEVER!

- Only in Baseball would rain in a World Series be a bigger catastrophe than an 8.5 earthquake.

- The Lakers cut Coby Karl, son of NBA head coach George Karl, from their roster just before their season opener on Tuesday. The original hope was that Kobe and Coby could “coexist”. But it was not to be. Just a reminder that there is no “Co” in Kobe.

- Chargers head coach Norv Turner is hoping to save money on a Halloween mask this year but he cannot decide what he would like to dress up as. So he has put out an internet poll to help him decide. The choices are:
A) Scarface
B) Freddy Krueger
C) Alan Greenspan’s scrotum
D) The Crypt Keeper
E) Tyra Banks

- Recently, University of Arizona head basketball coach Lute Olson stepped down after 25 years as coach. Lane Kiffin has thrown his hat into the running. That guy has a lot of hats.

- The video game “Rock Band” is currently airing a commercial which shows Kobe Bryant dancing in his underwear in a quazi reenactment of a scene from the 80′s film “Risky Business”. From what I understand impressionable, emotionally unstable, young Colorado girls are helpless to resist it.

- Kansas football coach Mike Mangino hates Halloween because every year people think he shows up for the game dressed as the Kool-Aid man. Just a word of advice Mike: Don’t bust through the paper banner before the game, it only provokes them.

- Danny Ainge was recently given an extension and a promotion from Celtics GM to Team President. This is despite taking heavy criticism in the years leading up to last year in which the Celtics won the NBA championship. When Boston fans were asked about this, their response was simply “That was just Danny being Danny”.

- Bernard Berrian said in an interview for Sirius Satellite Radio that when he has tried to call the steroids hotline that is set up for players to find out if a supplement is legal, he often can’t reach anyone. “I’ve called twice before and actually never gotten ahold of anybody sometimes,” he said. Then the station received a call from Pac Man Jones in which he said “Yeah man I know what’chu mean. I tried to call the police a couple of times to find out if something was illegal and got put on hold so I just did it anyway.”

- After sitting out his entire rookie season from micro fracture surgery, Blazers center Greg Oden was finally on the court for his first game when after just 13 minutes on the floor he went out with a sprained ankle. He will now be out 2-4 weeks. All of these injuries have worried many Blazer fans and have reminded many of Sam Bowie. Which means that Greg Oden has earned himself a new nickname. So let’s crank up the name generator…Greg Oden’s new nickname will now be: “Grodie”.

- Bengals rookie linebacker Keith Rivers received a vicious blindsided hit from Steelers receiver Hines Ward in the game between the two teams last week. This week Rivers had surgery which wired his jaw shut. He was asked what he thought about the hit to which he had this to say “oo Wuuh Sssshhttkk loouu phwwoooch nnerrrft.”

- Golfer John Daly was arrested outside of a Winston-Salem Hooters for drunk and disorderly conduct this week. When the local area police were asked how  the incident occurred they said “Well, we heard he was going to be in the area this week so we went to the nearest Hooters, parked outside and waited for the inevitable.”

- Cowboys head coach Wade Phillips has announced he will start Brad Johnson in this week’s game against the Giants. In light of this, Fox has announced that the censors will not allow the game to be shown on network television due to the unavoidable brutal graphic violence that will ensue. “We are not in the business of airing public executions,” said one Fox exec. The game will only be televised on tape delay on the Cowboys’ cable channel: ESPN.

- University of Houston wide receiver Patrick Edwards had leg surgery this week after running into a field cart that was parked along the back of the end zone during the team’s game against Marshall. “My teammates were yelling ‘watch out for that cart’ but I thought they were just messing with me” he said. This is just another case of “The Boy who called cart”. So let that be a lesson to you all when you mess with your buddies and yell out “watch out for that bike” on a long catch. It is all fun and games until someone gets hurt. At which point, it is hilarious.

- In a statement this week, Al Davis said “I am going as the Crypt Keeper as I always do Norv. You have to pick something else if you want to come to my party.”

– Disassociated Press

About Levi Damien, Senior Writer

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