The Not Necessarily Incorrect Sports News Vol. 11

- After Jaguars running back Fred Taylor suffered yet another concussion week six, the Jaguars announced that they will be fitting Taylor with a “concussion preventing helmet”. Which has led many to ask “What exactly has he been wearing up to this point?” In addition, Brandon Stokley said, “They have those?”

- After the death of 19 year old NHL prospect Alexei Cherepanov, Russian police have launched a probe into the incident. Upon hearing that the Russians were going to probe a teenager, the Catholic Church offered their assistance, but the Russians declined the offer.

- The Forty Niners have fired their head coach Mike Nolan and replaced him with interim head coach Mike Singletary. No news yet on whether his plan to win games is to give the opposing teams the crazy eyes.

- Browns tight end Kellen Winslow is very upset at the way his staph infection was handled by the team. He went as far as to say that he felt like a “Piece of meat”. In response, the Browns have suspended Winslow so that they can be rid of their own “staff” infection for at least one game.

- Winslow is just the latest in a string of staph infections that Browns receivers have come down with. Receivers Joe Jurevicius and Braylon Edwards have also had staph infections previous to this incident. In light of this epidemic, QB Derek Anderson has been mandated to watch an in house video on the dangers of not wiping properly.

- Chiefs running back Larry Johnson has been suspended for the 2nd straight week by the team. This time it was for an incident in which he spit alcohol at a woman. Head coach Herman Edwards said “I don’t know why Larry’s mom is putting alcohol in his formula anyway. If he spits up, it usually means he needs to be burped and if he is fussy he probably just needs a nap. Or he could just need his diaper changed. I shouldn’t be the one to have to tell her this.”

- The Raiders re-signed line backer Robert Thomas this week. They are also reportedly in contact with corner back Michael Waddell in the hopes that they can successfully reconstruct their entire training camp roster.

- It has been said that having Rob Ryan’s twin brother Rex as the Ravens defensive coordinator will give the Ravens a competitive advantage. This news gave Ravens coach John Harbaugh the idea to intimidate Tom Cable by having to face his twin, so he has hired John Goodman to roam the Ravens sideline during the game.

- The Ravens also tried to get ahold of Daunte Culpepper so he could intimidate JaMarcus Russell but he is currently working on a deal with Chiefs.

- Trevor Wikre, an offensive lineman for Mesa State College, has made national headlines after broke his finger during a game and chose to have it amputated instead of missing the rest of the season. His coach urged him to let it heal properly and not take drastic action but Wikre just gave him the finger.

- Jets quarterback Brett Favre is catching a lot of heat for a get together he had with former Lions GM Matt Millen. He is being accused of revealing the Packers offensive game plan to help the Lions in their game with the Packers this season. Suspicion was raised when the Lions defense was able to hold the Packers to just 48 points on offense.

- Favre claims that he was phoned by Millen who asked him if he would like to come out to his ranch to do some hunting. He was disappointed to discover that Millen was talking about job hunting.

- Kobe Bryant has hyper extended himself again. He really needs to stop opening those spam emails and just try harder to please her in other areas.

- The World Series began on Wedn….Oh, sorry, I nodded off.

- After the Raiders defeated the Jets 16-13 on Sunday, Jets quarterback Brett Favre was asked about a few questionable passes he made in the game including the easy DeAngelo Hall interception and the Gibril Wilson interception in the end zone. To which he said “Well before that game I had here a few years ago right after my father died, the fans here gave me a standing ovation. So I figured I owed ‘em one.”

About Levi Damien, Senior Writer

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